Tips for dealing with disloyalty in your relationship
It is said many times that routine is the main enemy of couple relationships . However, the routine can be easily combatted with a little effort. Therefore, from here we think that the biggest obstacle a couple faces is infidelity. A relationship crisis due to infidelity is very difficult to overcome, that is clear to us, but is it impossible? Is the breakup the only possible way or can we rebuild trust as a couple ?
Couple crisis due to infidelity
What exactly is infidelity? We ask because some people disagree. For some it means having sex with another person for a long time, others also include that “slip” of a crazy night and others (increasingly) also consider emotional infidelity , that in which there is no sexual contact.
Be that as it may, what matters is the concept of infidelity that the deceived person has . Because at the end of the day that is infidelity, a deception, a betrayal of trust as a couple. That tacit or express pact of sexual and / or sentimental exclusivity is broken. A person is deceived and betrayed. And it seems that there is nothing to do because, along with communication, trust is the glue that holds a couple together.
How can you have a relationship with someone you don’t trust? In the best of cases, an infidelity causes a very serious crisis in the couple . Whether it is solved or not will depend on many factors, the type of infidelity, whether the deception has been discovered or recognized, and also on the communication after the infidelity.
The breakdown of trust as a couple
To survive a relationship crisis due to infidelity, you have to rebuild trust as a couple . And that, is it possible? Can be done? Of course it is very complicated because the effects of an infidelity are unexpected and each person experiences it in a different way.
The crucial problem we face in rebuilding trust as a couple is forgiveness . If you want to continue in that relationship, you need to forgive your unfaithful partner . Can you handle it? We speak of a sincere forgiveness, not of that forgiveness with eternal punishment included. Are you strong enough after the deception to dedicate yourself to the titanic task of forgiving a betrayal?
In this matter we must be honest with ourselves, since our partner has not been. You have to take time, because in hot there is no way to digest an infidelity. And when the anger wears off, maybe it weighs more that you miss your partner and want to forgive and come back. But, where was the trust ? Because she also disappears after an infidelity.
How to rebuild trust
Don’t forgive an affair for the wrong reasons. But if you have decided to overcome the crisis , you have to know that both of you are going to have to make a big effort . Do you both want to do it? Make sure of this before anything else. Do not focus only on the words of your partner who asks you for forgiveness in distress, assuring you that it was a mistake and that it will never happen again. See if your partner’s regret is accompanied by a change in attitude.
This change in attitude does not involve hiding infidelity under the rug and forgetting about the deception. Stop by talking. Talk a thousand times, talk even if it hurts. And keep talking once the storm has passed. And talk even more when you have decided to continue together. Is your partner capable of doing an extra exercise in transparency? Is your partner aware that to regain trust, he will have to waste sincerity even in the smallest details?
We insist that forgiving an infidelity does not imply an eternal punishment of submission . But clarity, transparency and communication will be for a while the test that you are going to have to overcome if you want to regain trust as a couple. And just in case you have any doubts after talking with your partner so much, no, you have not had any responsibility or guilt in this infidelity.